THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF HAVING GRANDCHILDREN!

submitted by Tom Frew

 She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes  of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she  applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But  Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!'

**************************
 My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked  me how old I was, and I told him, '62.' He was quiet for a moment, and then  he asked,
'Did you start at 1?

**************************
 After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old  slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the  children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.

At  last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting  them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the  three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

 'Who was THAT?'


**************************
 A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood  was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a  tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked  wild raspberries in the woods.' The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said,

'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'

**************************
 My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how  you and God are alike?' I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how  are we alike?'

'You're both old,' he replied.

**************************
 A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's
 word processor. She told him she was writing a story. 'What's it about?' he asked.

'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.'

**************************
 I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided  to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She  would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely,

 'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself.'

**************************
 My 3-year-old granddaughter and I were studying the world globe, and finding different points of interest. I pointed to the ocean and asked her  what that was. She was hesitant to answer, so I said, 'that's the ocean.'

Whereupon she said, 'Very good!'

**************************
 When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights  off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.  Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy  whispered,

'It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
 flashlights.'

**************************
 Grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, 'I'm not
 sure. ' 'Look in your underwear, Grandma,' he advised.

'Mine says I'm  4 to 6.'

**************************
 A 6 year old came home from school and said to her grand mother, 'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.' The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said, 'How do you make babies?'
'It's simple,' replied the  girl. 'You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es''

**************************
Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.' The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know what pregnant means?' she asked. Yes,' said the young boy confidently.
 'It  means carrying a child. '

**************************
 A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the  fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back,' said one youngster. 'No, said  another, 'he's just for good luck.' A third child brought the argument to a
 close.
 'They use the dogs', she said firmly, 'to find the fire hydrants'

**************************